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Monday, March 28, 2005
deja vu and something new
I think I'm subconsciously still reeling about the passing of my father-in-law. On the outside, it seems I'm just going about my day as usual. In my mother in law's words, it feels like he is just on an out of town trip. It doesn't seem real that he's gone already. When my mom passed away a few years back, I tried to drown my grief in a couple of vices for months. I knew in my mind that none of it was good for me but at the same time I would rationalize that it felt good. The thing that pulled me from my rut is a pre-paid return ticket to States. Having been thru my own parent's passing helped me get through the initial shock my FIL's passing. I knew what to expect. The nights where you sleep but still wake up tired, the days of denial of him really being gone, the helplessness you feel in the grief that you see/hear of family members. What I didn't expect is how much the family pulled together to help get through it. In my mom's death, my sibs and I went to our respective corners and grieved privately. Rarely showing tears when in each other's presence. Sad when you think about it but we were never the type to openly express our feelings to one another. The opposite happened last week with my in laws. I still amazes me when I look back on it. They literally leaned on each other and openly cried whenever the tears would come. A little rub on the back or a glass of water was given if they needed space. Simple gestures of support. Needless to say I prefer their way better. I hope I can instill that in Clara as she grows up. Thursday, March 17, 2005
Dear Clara,You must know something is going on in the house. People are not their usual cheery selves. Many people coming in and out of the house these past days. How can I tell you that you won't be seeing your lolo* everyday anymore? Lolo and you had a very special bond that you shared. When you were just few months old and bordering on being colicky, only he could get you to settle down. The two of you just had to look at each other and do this thing where you point at a spot on the floor and suddenly slap your hands on the table. To the rest of us it didn't make any sense but it was a thing the two of you enjoyed doing. You have many pictures with him and when you are older and ask me how he was like, I'll tell you how he would come home for lunch everyday and you would show him new tricks that you and lola would come up with. After lunch, you would spend time in the gazebo while lola clears the table. I would tell you that when he came home at night the first person he would look for is you. If you were half asleep and hear him coming in the front door, you would immediately jump up and want to eat a late dinner with him. He was the typical indulgent lolo. When you wanted something that mommy and daddy won't give you, you ran to him and without hesitation he would indulge you. It was he who introduced you to chips and soda. And despite our numeruous attempts to discourage him, he still gave you a taste of them in secret. He was very patient. I would tell you that he didn't mind the long shopping trips, especially if you came along. The two of you would be keep each other company when we would hop from store to store. He would bring your lola wherever she needed/wanted to go. Weekends were their days. He enjoyed our Sunday barbeques. Everytime he would set up the grill, he would call for you so you could watch him. You both look for ants and bugs together. You would point to birds and look for the cat that would sometimes pass by our yard. He loved road trips. He didn't mind driving. It didn't matter where as long as the family was together. He had all that he wanted. The family, the apo, the house, even his tv. There was little he asked for or even wanted. That's what consoles us now. That he was happy and was content in his place in life. So when you see pictures of your lolo, think of how happy he was and how happy he made us. You were lucky to be his. love, Mommy *lolo - grandfather : lola - grandmother : apo - grandchild Thursday, March 10, 2005
Clara's beauty routine
  She does these (almost) everyday.  Looks like Clara's got her hands full... hands full of lotion. She found lotion dispensed by a pump and thought she needs some moisturizing.  This is Clara right before she went to do some scavenging. What trouble could this face get into, right? She comes back into the room and sat in her little corner. Me, feeling confident she's being a "good" girl, didn't take my eyes off the tv. Commercial comes on. I finally glance at her and lo and behold this is what I see....   She somehow got into someone's makeup stash and chose purple eyeshadow to play with. Thing is she knows where to apply it. Although she did get carried away and put some under her eyes. The result...like someone gave her two black eyes. What you don't see is that there was purple powder everywhere. On her dress, on her arms and on the carpet. But how could I get mad at her? She was blinking her eyes like mad because she wanted to show me what she did. She was even smacking her lips for lip gloss to complete the look. One evening my MIL was sorting her jewelry. Clara decided to get in on the action.   She ended up looking like the daughter of Mr. T (of the A-Team)  Now she's ready to go out Tuesday, March 08, 2005
On sick leave
Been nursing a really stubborn migraine since the weekendWill be back after I emerge from my Motrin-induced haze. |
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