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Monday, March 28, 2005
deja vu and something new
I think I'm subconsciously still reeling about the passing of my father-in-law. On the outside, it seems I'm just going about my day as usual. In my mother in law's words, it feels like he is just on an out of town trip. It doesn't seem real that he's gone already. When my mom passed away a few years back, I tried to drown my grief in a couple of vices for months. I knew in my mind that none of it was good for me but at the same time I would rationalize that it felt good. The thing that pulled me from my rut is a pre-paid return ticket to States. Having been thru my own parent's passing helped me get through the initial shock my FIL's passing. I knew what to expect. The nights where you sleep but still wake up tired, the days of denial of him really being gone, the helplessness you feel in the grief that you see/hear of family members. What I didn't expect is how much the family pulled together to help get through it. In my mom's death, my sibs and I went to our respective corners and grieved privately. Rarely showing tears when in each other's presence. Sad when you think about it but we were never the type to openly express our feelings to one another. The opposite happened last week with my in laws. I still amazes me when I look back on it. They literally leaned on each other and openly cried whenever the tears would come. A little rub on the back or a glass of water was given if they needed space. Simple gestures of support. Needless to say I prefer their way better. I hope I can instill that in Clara as she grows up. |
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